Finding the answers within

The conference of birds is a lovely book, where this bird goes in search of the divine, only to find it within itself. Somewhere our fundamental questions of life are the same, we are looking for answers without.  When I say answers outside it is not about question and answer sessions but issues that we are grappling with.

We seek solutions to our insecurity by looking outside ourselves and seek advice from people around us. but each of us is really unique, with our personal histories our own sense of right and wrong and our own way of experiencing the world that defines our realities, looking to others for our answers can only partially help. The answers to our personal questions are more often found by looking within. When we realize that we always have access to that part of us that knows what we need and meant to act as inner compass, we can stop searching outside our self. We can hear, trust and embrace the wisdom that lives within us, we will be able confidently navigate our life.

There was a point, when there were so many unanswered questions but I had no courage to seek the answers, when I did, it gave meaning to life. there was a time when I spent my life wallowing in despair, wondering why I was the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain  then I learnt to grateful the strength I  could gather to survive it.

The inner wisdom was awkward initially, particularly since I was taught to look to others, with more educational degrees, or age for answers. When I learnt hypnotherapy I realized that each of us had exclusive access to our inner knowing.  All we had to do is remember how to listen and the process of relearning how to hear, receive, and follow our own guidance needed patience.  Many a times I had to recall incidences when I went with my gut instinct and got things right, and times when I went against my gut instinct and had to face to issues. That gave me the confidence to go with my own intuition.

I know when I have second guessed myself and have gone against what I know as my truth, I went off course simply because I no longer followed my inner compass. But looking inside myself for the answers for my life questions, I realized I was consulting the best guide, the guide who knew the why’

Choosing a new response to fear,

fear

I was viewing the advertisement of Mountain Dew,”darr kea age jeet hai”

Sounds interesting. But fear is a fundamental experience that triggers a behaviour change.

Actually when we think about it, like John Lennon summed it up– there are two basic motivating forces  fear and love, when we are afraid, we pull back from life, when we are love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open hearted vision of people who embrace life.

Yet Fear actually is a protective mechanism of the animal existence, it is a part of being human. It fear that triggers the adrenaline release that helps us to deal with potential danger. But fear is also what may keep us from participating in life fully. Once we realize that fear is a state of mind we can choose to face our fears, change our minds and create the life that we would like to live.

Fear triggers a fight or flight response in humans. That is once the psyche sense the threat, we either turn round and fight the threat or more often than not we fly away from the threat. Sometimes these fears and phobias are dealt across lifetimes.

We use available data and create connections and a response to stimuli emerges, we can reconnect the circuit to give us a new response. We the ability to observe these and choose differently. So matter where the fear came from we can create new connections by choosing new thoughts. When our soul and minds are aligned, we create new experience of reality. This journey begins with small steps, lot of patience and courage.

Remember trying out cycling down the main road to school the ride was about 5km. Through a jungle, I was very apprehensive, no let me be honest I was “shit scared”  the first day I rode from home to the first bus-stop, and each day I went one bus-stop more until I eventually reached college. When I shifted to a scooter from the bicycle I did the same process.

The next on my list is driving. I realized I need really be afraid of my fears, they are not there to scare me, but they are just there to let me know that something is worth it.

We all have our own fears, but thinking about it, “Can we still be brave if we are afraid?” frankly, that is the only time we can be brave. Maybe we should take Eleanor Roosevelt’s advice and do one thing every day that scares us.

Attaching meaning

At the Landmark Education forum we were made aware that events just occur, the meaning we attach to it influences the quality of our life.  And the meaning we attach to events we choose to call our voice of reason.

When we experience something, we tend to assign a meaning to it, we could call it pleasant or distressing, and it is that meaning that we apply / that determines the quality of our lives.  It also colours the way we feel about ourselves. About the people in our lives and the world at large.

For example the last two times that I was at Bangalore I could not meet my cousin and I concluded that he did not want to meet me.  This left me with a feeling of resentment. Not only did it make me feel unworthy… it also made me attack his character instead of just accepting that he was overwhelmed with work.  What is more interesting is that I have noticed that I can be more generous with acquaintances but I cannot give the margin to my family.

It’s not just this, when I had the burn, and could not attend the clinic as a doctor I knew the biggest challenge I would face was depression because of the inability to get to work, so I did tapped on my writing ability. Suddenly I find myself being pushed into another direction or space. Now that my medications have been withdrawn I am dealing with the steroid weight gain problem. I wonder what the universe has in store for me.

As I have become more conscious to what is happening in space and the various meanings that I have attached to them, I am shocked at the messages that I have been telling myself and extent of negativity that I have fed into my life.  Over the last year I have been assigning kinder meanings to the events, and find life is much pleasanter.

A legacy of love –Leaving the Earth a Better Place

A legacy of love –Leaving the Earth a Better Place

Nations, communities, settlement, for that  what we are have an obligation on not only to the poorer section of the society, but to all the grandchildren of the world, rich and poor. We have not inherited this earth from our parents to do with it what we will. Actually we have borrowed it from our children and we must be careful to use it in their interests as well as our own. Anyone who fails to recognise the basic validity of the proposition put in different ways by increasing numbers of  writers, from Malthus to the club of Rome is either ignorant ,a fool,  or evil.

Leaving the earth a better place than what we found her is great act of love.

We inherit this great planet from our parents and from the generations that came before. Then in concert with the surrounding culture our elders teach us how to care for the land, sea, ourselves and each other. They model ways of being in relationship with every other expression of life on earth. But whether they act with care or carelessness, compassion or cruelty, generosity or greed we have the ability to choose our own individual way of relating with the planet and her inhabitants. From our first breath here to our our very last, we will find infinite opportunities to influence our environment for the better. We can decide now to act with intention in order to leave this amazing planet brighter and more beautiful than when we arrived.

Our connect with the environment is what inspires us to environmental activism, cleaning up beaches or to plant trees. But there is also a great need to affirm how magnificent the earth truly is.  for those of us who  cannot actively contribute to environment, we can create a garden filled with sweet smelling flowers to uplift our hearts, we might even honour the earth simply by trying to be the best person we can while we are here. Such good will have a domino effect inspiring others to contribute in their own way as well.

We spend our lifetimes being nourished and enlivened by the rain, sun, soil and wind. Our experience is blessed by other living beings, from plants to insects to birds and humans. We receive so much giving back just naturally feeling good. When we live our lives with intention of leaving this temporary home a better place for generations to come, we are perhaps leaving behind the best gift of all.

Following Mama’s footsteps.. bring up baby

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four generations.

We become parents the moment we give have a child, but parenting is a different game ball 24/7 is the only shift they offer specially if you’re a mother, I have heard about this from my grandmother one who would be 100 odd years if she was alive and another who would be 90, and from my mother who is 71 and my own experiences. But it does come with a lot of lighter moment.

Here is an interesting conversation between my daughter and her friend.

“How does the baby eat in mama’s stomach?” was the other kid’s question.

“See this is mama’s stomach” my daughter says showing a carry bag, then she puts a doll into it. And very patiently explains, “This is the baby inside it.”

After this she inserts a vacuum cleaner hose and tells her ,”there is pipe from amma’s stomach to baby’s stomach,  the food goes in like this” she says turning the vacuum cleaner’s expel  button on. I was really surprised that she had understood what I had explained when she asked me and was able to actually convey it.

P1311050550518Then came the gizmo’s into our lives, the PC’s, the laptops and the mobiles. The younger one is the gizmo girl.  the camera, the PC the laptop they all just seem to obey her, her introduction to the world of gizmo’s occurred when she was two years and few months, when the older  kids were very “adult” and working on the computer my three  year few months old nephew took this kid to the computer guided her to  a button, and told her “off” the rest of the afternoon two of them would hit the off button every time the older ones turned the PC on.

The other day it was rather a pleasure watching my daughters flank my mother and teach her how to use her new Android phone.  My uncles and aunts in their early 70’s line up home when my younger daughter is at home to learn how to use the laptop.  Somehow technology has brought our family closer instead of creating a chasm , so the techno war that my peer talks about does not really exist in my space.

Today, my younger daughter  shoots photographs, or my husband does they then work round it, while my older daughter and I use it for our blogs. It is the younger one who has taught me how to uses the various apps, while the older one has downloaded the apps for doctors. They whatsapp my mom, or skype her. The most interesting thing was they actually got my mother-in-law to participate in a prayer group that she wanted to, by linking her up on Skype. Like my young  wise woman would like to say, technology is a tool, what we do with it is our look out.

papa's girl
papa’s girl

Parenting I realize is a journey with no road map and even experientially highly customized. My own take on what I figured with parenting… this is not an advice just a share.. That it could be us, as individuals or our children what they become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they are not really trying to teach us, we are formed by little scraps of wisdom. For where I stand the best thing we can for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway.. Let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.

DSC_1168Children are people,  and they should have to reach to learn about things, to understand things, just as adults have to reach if they want to grow in mental stature. Life is composed of lights and shadows, and we would be untruthful, insincere and saccharine if we tried to pretend there were no shadows, most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favour by trying to shield him from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good  can always triumph over evil.

Some stuff that were handed down to me by my parents and grandparents

  • It is important that every child realizes that there is no absolute right or absolute wrong  there is only appropriate – this was from my father.
  • It is important that- a child learns to be true to itself, the world will then follow it.

From aunt we learnt that a task has to done, don’t  treat it like a virtue or a sin, neither is it gender specific.

Another tip I am really greatful for is my grandmother telling me, fix a meal time and location. And  the minute the child can sit up let her join you on the dining table. Of course it will be messy initially but she will learn to eat by herself soon.

My mother gave me a really good one, till the age of 6 love the child to bits, from 8-16, be a task master, from 18 onwards treat your kid like a friend . Learning to accept failure is just as important as winning.

My grandmother used to tell me,  no matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behaviour and it’s not about the kids we are talking here, their behaviour will be normal.

at Hyderabad
at Hyderabad

My mother would tell, I know it is hard for you as a young mother to believe that almost before you turn around the children will be gone and you will be alone with your husband. You had better be sure you’re are developing the kind of love and friendship that will delightful and enduring. Let the children learn from your attitude that he is important.  Be kind, it is a rough world and  your kid, like everyone is fighting to survive , be cheerful and not a whiner.

This blogger contest is supported by Kid Social Shell, a unique digital parenting platform with 11 gaming-learning apps. Use it play 3D nursery rhymes, counting number games, shapes games, fun math worksheets, coloring games and more!”

Let parents be Parents

I was musing over this input.

Actually my parenting beliefs are very unconventional; my sister-in-law says I am a failure as a mother because I have not insisted that my daughters go to four and twenty classes that every true Indian child attends. My daughters I am proud to say are extremely mature beautiful girls very talented and very clear in what they want.

This is what they told me, when I felt very much a failure after what my sister-in-law said, ”Amma, we are your daughters and not, her so we decided whether you are a failure or a success, and we  have no secrets from you, we can tell you anything and everything, you give us so much space and sense of security and that for us is the most important thing . whenever we do something, we know Baba and You will be there for us, even if we fail without judging us.”

I think I have earned my right to deliver an opinion. This is something that even after walking 50yrs on this earth I cannot tell my mother.

My  Kushi ke pal with my daughters, was when an year ago when my mother bought a Smartphone, it was great to see my daughters on either side of my mother/ and showing her how to use the mobile, explaining what an app was and which were the apps relevant to her.  They then wrote it out for her in her dairy just in case she had a problem.

About Khuljayaye Bacchpan everyone has their own style of parenting, and each style of parenting has its own good and bad.

The best way to bond with kids is to participate and learn about their world, true indeed. But it is secondary/ to guiding the child to a world that is real and out there. many parenting experts believe that bonding is enough for a happy and secure childhood. Not really there are times when the child is unsure; there the parent’s role is to guide the child.  We may choose to let the child commit a mistake but then we need to be around to pick the pieces and help the child move on.

Believe me, we were brought up with the golden rule “because I say so” yes it had great pit falls, but we had our cushions called grandmothers, I taught my grandmother to make ice-cream and bake cakes, but she taught me how to live, more importantly she taught me how to bring up my children.

At our family home my aunt Janaki was the discipline in charge she would only call out “makkale” that child, or more precisely “who is there” that meant any of us be it my older cousin, me, my younger cousin or my brother had to go and do whatever it was that had to be done, our gender didn’t matter who ever was around changed bulbs or did the dishes.

This whole thing about daughter teaching you to click a selfie and teaching the son to make grocery list so reeks of sexist leanings. Just a genderless,”kiddo execute this action ” should suffice.

Kushi ke pal between my kids and me are many, and Khuljyaye Bachpan about being unfettered and fearless is fine, but face it how many actually do it. My own childhood was unfettered and I was quite fearless and still am, I have swum through rivers, jumped into wells and climbed trees. I would let my daughters do the same but they show no inclination. I am fine with it. They are more comfortable with other things.

I baked my first cake as sneak job with my brother assisting me, and my mother was out, my daughter and nephew did something parallel. Parenting just happens, it is hands on like my grandmother told me, these are the parenting blunders we, made learn from them so that you can make new mistakes.

Children are people, and they should have to reach to learn about things, to understand things, just as adults have to reach if they want to grow in mental stature. Life is composed of lights and shadows, and we would be untruthful, insincere, and saccharine if we tried to pretend there were no shadows. Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil.”

I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway… let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves

Adults constantly raise the bar on smart children, precisely because they’re able to handle it. The children get overwhelmed by the tasks in front of them and gradually lose the sort of openness and sense of accomplishment they innately have. When they’re treated like that, children start to crawl inside a shell and keep everything inside. It takes a lot of time and effort to get them to open up again. Kids’ hearts are malleable, but once they gel it’s hard to get them back the way they were.”

I really like this quote, We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.”
― Franklin D. RooseveltGreat Speeches

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The Big rock speaker

indiblogger (1)There e are lots of trips out there. It’s even possible to become a conference groupie, going from one seminar to another being a beautiful evolved human being until you start making the people round want to throw up.  The networking I scratch your back you scratch mine somehow nauseates me.

As for my blogger status, well for a long time I was a closet blogger I even use a pseudonym so there. But this time when the word up came up… I thought let me attend it.

Like all conferences there was the conference kit, the sampler teased out or the goodie bag at a party you can choose to call it whatever.

goodybag (1)The ….shall we go with goodie bag contained a Mini Bluetooth speaker I am technically challenged so I did not know what it was, back in Goa my husband handled it, that’s when I really appreciated it, I  could plug in my laptop and listen to the lectures and music the volume clarity was amazing.

Next I paired it with my mobile of course the muffled patient recordings that I had, I had almost given up on it thinking I would have to redo it; they were absolutely audible which meant about 24hrs of my work retrieved.

mini blue tooth-- courtesy  .me
mini blue tooth– courtesy .me

We put in a microchip with music on, which went on well too.

The only things we have to figure now is

  • Can I receive my phone calls through this then that would make me hands free.
  • How on earth do we charge the battery?

The mini blue tooth speaker is from the company Music

Supports phone/laptop/tablet PC and Mini micro-card… has a working range of about 10m, working time 5 hours, and an output of 3w.

  • As for the other stuff, I shall get back to you maybe in a week with mydomain.me.

Bigrock and .me are walking me through it, will get back when done.

Categories: events, indiblogger, blogger meet product review.

Tags:  word-up, , goody bag, blue tooth speaker