smell and memoryWe looked at the physiology, the biology of breathing, but what we usually don’t bother with is the fact that breathe is the connect between the within and without. Many times when we escape the mundane the best way to return to the present is through breathe.

When we actually think about it, breathing is living, breathlessness is tending to give up of living and finally when the breathing stops we are dead. We take oxygen from the environment and give out carbon dioxide which is consumed by the plants we thus play our two bit in the great energy cycle of the universe.

People who have been practising breathing have this to share.

Cleansing breath – this is something we have experienced, this is a great way to release any disturbing emotions be it anger, stress, frustration, and judicious use of this technique restores balance within the human system. Method—closes your eyes, take a deep breath through the nose with an intention to inhale positive energy and blow out through the mouth with an intention to exhale the negative energy or emotion. This can be performed till balance is achieved.

Equal breathing – this helps to stabilize the emotions and energy bodies bringing a relaxed frame of mind. This helps to combat performance stress.  Method: close your eyes, inhale through the nose for a specific count. I use a chant, and exhale with the same specific count. Repeat the cycle this can be done for 21 rounds any given time.

wowRapid breathing. This is good to handle physical fatigue, it flushes, relaxes and energies all at one go. This is also a great technique to stimulate ourselves when we have that little imp of laziness visiting us. Method: take in a deep breath, feel it right to your abdomen and throw it out rapidly. Start at slow pace and increase the speed.

Alternate breathing: this was something my Yoga instructor had taught me, and I never paid enough attention to it.  But off late I have resumed this practise and it helps the balance the flow of energy between two vital energy meridians of the system and restores the body to a state of balance. This state facilitates the awakening of spiritual consciousness lying deep within. Method: place your index and middle finger between the eyebrows; place your thumb on the right nostril and the ring finger on the left nostril. Gently close your left nostril and inhale through the right nostril. Next close your right nostril and opening your left nostril exhale through it further inhale through the left nostril. Then close the left nostril and opening the right nostril exhale through it. Repeat this for seven counts. Start the round by inhaling through the right and terminate the round by exhaling through the right nostril.

Interestingly The Sakhyamuni Gautama Buddha attained his Buddhahood, by regressing and healing forty his previous births, and he did through breathe control.


Graphite loons ay mah life.

The prompt of the week – if my life had a background score which songs and music will be in it..

When I read this prompt without reflecting, the first thing that came to me was, then   I realized this was my comfort song, something that helps me cross the stream.

To me a background score, it’s very different from life song or the soul song.

A background score is that pattern, that thought, that inspiration that stays throughout it is present and manifests in many ways it is what  I would call as the learning or the experience that we are here to experience in the earth school,  .

Everyone has adventures in their lives, some good ones and some bad ones, these are like tick marks in a pattern. It is stable for a while, and then it takes a ditch not because we are meant to be upset, but because we are meant to move on to the next level and we need to lean back and jump. Life is like an analog signal it has its high and lows.

It is like the first cycle with a 90 degree rise.

Others life look like normal sign curve. They are lining a simple life with no trouble. The noise, the sounds they are audible only when look closer. They have enough stuff that they need to pull themselves through.

I used to get upset that I am not anything, I’m done with life has been an recurrent theme… the back ground score… but then it healed and I learnt, I was quite surprised to hear that there were many others who wanted to  be in my place and others who quite counted on me.

I realized that the background score was the score that supported the soul music. And soul music was all about longevity and reaching people on a human level—that would remain through eternity.

Incidentally soul music was popular music genre that originated in the 1950’s and early 1960. It combined elements of African-American gospel music rhythm and blues and jazz.

The background score slowly makes itself heard on soft moments of introspection or still, it is heard as a difference in sound, imagine sitting on a fire step waiting for- someone or something, just let yourself experience the space, and you can hear the music of the tins, the empty ones that sonorous, the fuller ones that provide the ascending scale those filled to the brim producing only a fat percussive beat unless they are overbalanced, the cascade would be loud variation. With earshot we perceive scores of tins in different states of fullness and varying resonance.  Now hear the wire moving in the wind, it sets up a moaning background noise that occasionally gusts to prominence, then lapses again to mere accompaniment.  This is precisely how I figured that my soul music, back ground score was like this, and was best captured by  tp://

The rhythm the score is so familiar, and in tune, so I say


violet flameDoes this dress look good?

I think LBG relationship is okay… but what will people say…

So many variations of this, I have harboured this for god knows how long. I did apparently rebel but at my honest moments I had accept that I found it difficult to handle disapproval. I knew not everybody will like me, yet accepting it has been an issue.

I now realize that it is okay to move into acceptance of not being accepted than try to make everybody like me.

Of course the experience is not pleasant but there are times in our lives when we come across people who do not like us. Then I realized that likes attracts likes, so when someone did not like me, it was because I did not fit into the pattern and they did not know how handle it. Rather taking it affront, I realized that accepting them for who they are gave me the freedom to have different perspectives and opinions. I was releasing myself from the approval gaining track by not judging the other; I could now put my energy towards something more rewarding.

Being approved and accepted does give a warm feeling, but that being the focus of all action could make us deviate from our paths. There are those who will not like us no matter what we do. But does not mean that that there is anything wrong with us. Each of has our own filters built from our experiences over time. It could be a projection of our understanding, but we have no control over the interpretations of others. The best we can do is to hope that the role we play in the script of their lives is helpful to them. And follow our own inner guidance and integrity.

It’s only when I began walking my path, at my pace I began to grow, and this growth allowed me to appreciate myself. The need to belong, to fit, was slowly replaced by the exhilaration of discovering that I am attracting likeminded individuals into my life because they understand and appreciate the truth of who we are. As I gave myself the permission to communicate what matters to me in every situation I had peace despite rejection or disapproval, putting a voice to my soul helped me to let go of negative energy of fear and regret. It helped transcend limitation and empowered me to co create my life with the universe.

As the birds fly.

Travelling companions,

This is something that happened when I was choreographing for Swapna Vasavadutta. There is a particular dialogue where King Udayan looks at the flying birds and comments on their formation and companionship.

To choreograph this, I had to observe the flight patterns of the birds. The birds I realized exuded beauty and serenity as they swooped, drifted and glided and created magnificent patterns across the skies. Once we surrender to the sheer beauty of it all, the birds can be a long source of inspiration; they could be messengers from the spirit realm or a symbol of the human soul as they cast of their earthly moorings and soared heavenward. An upturned wing a graceful flutter all so effortless and free…More magnificent still was the sight of the migrating birds, progressing steadily across the horizon in a solid V formation that is a singular pattern too unique to be a mere chance.

Pushing steadily forward this aerodynamic V reduces air resistance for the whole flock. With wings moving in harmony, the feathered group continues its course across the sky, covering more ground together in as community more than as individuals. When the bird at the front gets tired she will move to the rear of the formation where the wind drag is the lowest and a more rested bird takes her place.

Maybe we need to replace the V with We in our structure and feel the dynamics of charting an adventurous course with others. The strength of others moving long side us may lend power to our lives through the journey of life, when buffeted by unexpected gusts we can choose to find refuse in the loving shelter of friends and family. We may even marvel as an otherwise difficult day passes like a swift wind. As a kindred spirit charts a way for us through the clouds and rain ahead. If our wings ache during the journey maybe it is a good idea to let someone else fly at front for a while. All of us move faster when we move together.

Beyond the physical

Beyond the physical

violet flameBeings of light. when a colleague of mine Geeta was researching on the Yuga- she wanted to create a narrative round it. She would go read through lot material particularly from Sri Aurobindo. He was talking about the four Yuga’s the satyuga where the light in us or the connect to the divine was the greatest and as we get closure the dark in the Kali, and the journey to light begins again.

Dark is absolutely essential to perceive the light.

Humans are beings of light and it is the existence beyond the physical. It is this connection to the light that we know things beyond what the visible world can tell us.

We are all beings of the light, or rather spiritual essences that are having a human experience. As children we are quite aware of this. but as we grow older we train ourselves to forget this. we begin to believe that magic does not exist, our invisible playmates do not really exist and that we are limited being with only earthly life to live. The enormous pressure to conform to this concept of ourselves is huge and we gradually lose touch with our full potential forgetting that we are beings of light.

The world is going through a huge change and many of us are reawakening to the truth of who we are, the access to this light is necessary in order for us to both to survive and shift into a new order of consciousness. As the changes around us proceed in rapid progression, we will want to be able to trust our own ability to sense what is happening and how best we can respond. We are no longer living in a predictable world in which we can’t rust external authority figures, and prior ideas about reality to guide us. we need to be able to access the information that will help us navigate these uncertain waters and the ultimate authority resides in our awareness of ourselves as beings of light.

It is through our connect to this light that we know things beyond what the visible world can tell us. we see things beyond what the physical world reveals, in order to access this wisdom we can simply allow ourselves to remember that we are not limited as we have been taught. In fact we are filled with divine grace and pwer that is ours for the asking. A daily practise of tuning into this vast potential conversing with it and offering ourselves up to it opens the door through which we can reclaim our true identity taking ownership of the calling that the time has come to create bliss on the earth.

Papa’s Dashavataar…

Once upon a time America used to live by the motto, ”Father  knows best” now they are in a state where they are lucky if “Father Knows he has children” they’ve become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies, with the movie Vicky Donor, and increasing romanticizing of surrogate parenthood of the Khans I wonder if we are going  the same way.

One of tenets of Hypnotherapy made me realize, that we learn our suggestibility or how we process information that drives in our behaviour and attitude. This is usually learned from the Primary care giver the mother, while how we put this process out as our behaviour pattern is sexuality and that learnt from the secondary care giver, the father.

Twenty five odd years of dental practise and about 5years of counselling I realized, no matter how much we glorify the all sacrificing  a fathers involvement makes the real difference whether in the areas of intellectual development, sex-role development or psychological development. Most kids do better when their relationship with Dad is close and warm. With the changing lifestyle father not at home has returned to the Indian scene.

The sons learn directly from their father’s behaviour towards their mother while the daughters learn from the behaviour of the mother towards the father. In a way what we become on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they are not trying to teach us, you know those little scraps of wisdom, that’s what makes us.

As I look  back my father has played many roles in my life,  he has been my Guru, guiding me in path he started me on the path of questioning  religion and rituals, and then understanding the spirituality that lay beyond it.  I could tell him my inner most thoughts and secrets without fear of being judged, though the times that we grew up did not present a lot physical threat, Papa definitely gave me enormous emotional security, financial security and an assurance if physical security was required it would be provided. So somewhere he became my protector.

The very essence of masculinity is providing, if we look at the dynamics of a family the father is the protector and provider while the mother is nurturer. Through my growing years, and even later my father has ensured that I am provided for. He taught me the skills of accounting and budgeting.

As my teacher my father opened my eyes to the world. I experienced that life flowed and death was part of the story. I learnt that people have their stories and their drama we are just mediums for them to enact it.  it was not much of academic learning as much as seeing him talk to the illiterate farmer from the back of beyond Meeyaru with the same respect he gave the director of operation eyesight universal.  From him I learnt that one should stand by what one believes even though it meant paying a price.

Then there were times, when we kids played house, and papa would come home from work and he would drop a folded paper and say he was the postman. I have never resolved this puzzle as why he would refuse to play another role, other than postman. Of yes once he said he was the garbage collector,  no sir, he did not teach me intellectual games, but he taught me the right way to climb up a tree, and how to walk on the roof without falling. I like to think of papa in that avatar as a playmate.

Eventually when i got married and had my own kid, papa now became a companion who guided me on how to balance my family and my kids, he did not really believe too much in my mother’s kids first philosophy, he told me if you are sorted only then can you sort your family.

He was my trainer when it came to clinical practise and my talent developer when it came to recognize my skills; my artistic skills didn’t impress him much he was more into pushing me towards an intellectual challenge. He kept telling me, you are good surgeon but its uncanny ability to connect the dots that is your skill as a clinician. There were times when he would throw symptoms at me, and ask me to diagnose, if they were challenges there were times when he genuinely asked me for my clinical opinion. Particularly when it came to psychosomatic issues.

I guess I have to acknowledge the procreator aspect of dad. But there was something he once told me when we were discussing about roles in families, everyone has a role to play and each role leads at times, and serves at another time.  One should be able to admit one’s own limitation and weakness with humility. He called it being a servant.

I have finally redeemed the right give my father a hug, because I accept his evaluation that I am I and

Papa’s tears and fears remained unseen, his love may be unexpressed, but his care and protection remains a pillar through my life.  What happened to the mind after bereavement made no sense until later… what the mind does after losing one’s father isn’t to pick a new father from the world, but to pick a new self to love them with.

Papa I think I now redeem myself, and I have earned the honour to give you a hug, a hug that thanks you for being there, so subtly, a hug that comes from the confidence of finding myself..

“I am participating in the ‘#HugYourDad’ activity for <a href=’; target=’_blank’>Vicks</a> in association with <a href=’; target=’_blank’>BlogAdda</a>.

Words tae hug papa.


Why is a hug the best gift I can give my father? well, the reality check is I can’t.. he passed away almost 7yrs ago. Even if he were live I would not hug him, because he was a person who was very particular about personal physical space.So I do the next best, I hug him with words. That way I can still feel precious, and protected.

My mother insists her father was the best ever father, and my daughters are busy arguing with her, I refuse to interfere because I know both are wrong, it is my father is who is the best.

Simone de Beauvoir in her book woman destroyed says that “Fathers never have exactly the daughters they want because they invent a notion a theme that the daughters have conform to.” Well I am not sure, but I grew up learning from my father.

I do not remember my father taking me to school on the first day of school, it was not done those days, my grandfather escorted me, because I was with them, I do not remember my father teaching me how to ride a bike, again fathers those days didn’t we learnt by ourselves. of course my grandfather did help me out initially. But my father did tell me the best way to climb trees and roofs. He also told me how to walk on the roof without falling, though he never demonstrated it.

So why do I think my father was great?  Why is he my philosopher and guide, Yes, I deliberately omitted friend.  he was a friend but not a peer, those were days, that there was no way any true man was going to let children live around him in his house and not discipline and teach, fight and mould them until they know all he knows. His goal was to make them better than he was; being their friend was a distant second to this.

The greatest gift that my father gave me was the gift of acceptance, accepting life the way it was, more important accepting myself. He taught me. I remember one day he took me around showing me the successful people in town and telling me, this is this persons greatest achievement and this is the that quality that let him achieve it, and this is weakness, now you need to know what is your aim and what is your strength that can get you there and your weakness that can pull you down. He taught me life was about balance and life was about priority. These priorities he reminded me changed with each stage of the life.

He taught me to look at the greater story this whole concept of focus, didn’t make sense to him, he was about the big picture and taking small steps.

He created benchmarks for me and gave me the tools to go over it, yet he gave me the freedom to try my wings. I had the assurance that if I needed help he was there, but I had to ask.

During the last few days of his life, i went abroad for my second international conference and first ever trip abroad, it was SSEAR conference and my paper was on “spirituality its presence and absence in disease.”  When I returned he made me share the entire experience. He then told me where I would have to walk to go further. Though I did deviate from what he said, I kept the general direction the same.

Then there was this last conversation, “You do not fall into the conventionally accepted pattern, I am glad that you have the courage to be you and pay the price of being who you are. But remember it is not easy for others in your space, they are still trapped by the boundaries of convention.”

The saddest moment in my life, was when I had to sit next to him, and tell him, ”Papa, if you have to move on, don’t let me hold you back. I will be fine, and I will ensure that Amma is fine.” A fortnight later he passed away on Guru Purnima.

Strangely he is very much with me, I still converse with him when I need guidance. I still follow his advice. I am one of those daughters who are blessed with fathers, who loved, cared yet were detached. A father who did not create an image of an ideal daughter but accepted who came into his space. He groomed my thinking, my creativity and most importantly he gave me his ability to empathize dispassionately.

I am participating in the ‘#HugYourDad’ activity for <a href=’; target=’_blank’>Vicks</a> in association with <a href=’; target=’_blank’>BlogAdda</a>.